Hey! What are you looking at!

Hey! What are you looking at?
Do you really want an answer?
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There are several instances that we get asked the very pointed question "what are you looking at"? It's a phrase that is most often shouted or spoken forcefully. Many times the answer to this question marks the start of some sort of argument. Think about this, do you really want an answer? Are you just opening yourself up for public embarrassment?

Here are just a few examples.

The Freaks 
And yes I use the term lightly

One segment of society that seems to make frequent use of the question in question are people that some would say have a freakish appearance or exhibit freakish behavior. People with 15 nose-rings and a tattoo of an aardvark on their neck sort of spring to mind. I don't personally have any tattoos but I will admit some of this artwork is simply amazing. What I can't fathom is why you would spend 8 hours being repeatedly stabbed by a needle in order to have a beautiful rendition of an aardvark on your neck,... if you didn't want people to look at it! I mean you can't see it yourself without a mirror.

I kinda understand it in a way. This is the punk rock counter culture. Punk rockers (the real ones) feel that by expressing thoughts contrary to societal norm that they are expressing individuality. So they rush out for an aardvark to the neck which any normal sane person would find strange and look at with puzzled expressions. The next step is to forever use this aardvark to make normal people feel bad for finding this tattoo and it's placement odd somehow. The part the average person unfortunately doesn't get to see when they walk away is the following conversation:

Punk 1 - HAha I made that guy feel like an idiot!
Punk 2 - Yeah totally that was awesome!
Punk 3 - Yeah but dude you have a F@$king AARDVARK ON YOUR NECK!!!!!

Those of you that have really cool tattoos that don't mind people looking at them are the ones that are really expressing yourselves. The fact that you are so into the artwork that you are consenting to allow the artist to use your body as a canvas is a level of commitment that few people reach. It's not for everyone and you accept that fact so bonus points for you!

Those Over-Burdoned by Beauty 
I'm Too Sexy to LIVE!

I live in the downtown core of a University town. This is where all the bars are. If you can find a place to park you can go club hopping on foot because every other building has a bar in it. Summer and winter alike the clothing is scarcer than an original thought in Hollywood! Sometimes when I go out for a walk on a Friday or Saturday night my eyes feel like ping-png balls from the over activity. Occasionally I see a woman who is just extraordinarily beautiful and I just can't help but stare. I mean I try not to. I try to use my peripheral vision. I don't want to appear creepy after all. On even rarer occasions a woman such as this will catch my gaze and smile back at me. At this point she is officially out of my league because she was able to look at my expression, realize my appreciation of her beauty and make the decision to be flattered. This denotes above average intelligence. Strikingly beautiful intelligent women seem to steer clear of unknown Musicians, non best selling writers and guys that need to spend some time in the gym. I am all three.

Other times an amazingly beautiful woman looks back at you and says "What the F@$k are you looking at"? For some reason I can't explain, they go from awe inspiring beauty to fugly in 0.0000043 seconds flat. A defence mechanism perhaps?

Just once I would like to have the presence of mind to say something biting and witty but I'm afraid my remark would lose all it's power when I have to explain what I meant...

Guy Who Catches you Looking at His Girlfriend 
,... and he's also drunk.

If you have a girlfriend and she's attractive, my looking or seeming to look at her should not be taken as an insult to your masculinity. If you're that insecure that you think I can walk up, and whisper "let's go" in her ear and steal her away from you, I'm probably not your biggest problem. You may need to do some self esteem work or your girlfriend may be looking to escape your relationship. It could also be that your girlfriend is extremely eager to please! In either case if I am really stealing her away I am doing you a favor.

It's more likely that the two of you are standing at the bar and I'm trying to get the bartender's attention so I can order a drink. This also explains the side to side body motion that is causing me to rub against her. She's tall and I have to look over her shoulder first to her left,...then over to her right to see the bartender! If this offends you just imagine I'm doing it to you!

See that? By comparison it's not so bad!


The Differently Able 
,... and the crowd goes mild!

I was crossing the street less than a block from my apartment and there were two morbidly obese women in wheelchairs one of whom had both legs amputated just below the knee.Yes I understand that it's difficult to stay fit when confined to a wheelchair I mention their weight only to paint a picture of the actual situation not to make fun of people who are overweight.

I wasn't staring, I really wasn't. I was facing their direction and looking at the lights waiting for them to change so I could cross the street. The non-amputee began to shout at me. "Haven't you ever seen a disabled person before"? Now it's not like I leered at her disabled friend or made some expression of shock or horror at the sight of her. Often times when I see someone with a disability I wonder how I would cope if I were disabled in the same way. I think that's an honest reaction really, but perhaps I'm wrong.

What makes me angry is this stupid cow, this unlikely union of a bloated Fembot and a Daleck actually thinks that I'm looking at her friend and thinking things like "haha I've got legs and you don't". Here I am waiting for the light trying to empathize with the plight of a disabled person, doing all of this in my head of course which makes it my own business!

This caused me to have an epiphany. This is the very reason people resent disabled parking spots! When they see that the only parking spot within a quarter mile of the shop they want to go into is reserved for the handicapped they don't think of the decent kind and considerate differently able person (which is the vast majority of people that need to use these spaces) they think of Attila the rolling hun on the street corner blocking the entire sidewalk yelling "i can stare longer than you can".



Vinyl Isn't Coming Back, It's Festering!

Lately I have seen a number of articles declaring that vinyl records are making some sort of comeback. It might seem this way but I surmise that this so-called resurgence is little more than a mirage. The fact that teenagers are picking through dollar bins in used music stores looking for music is the result of a few things that are happening right now.

First of all, most major label music sucks! The upshot of this is that listeners are turning to other outlets for musical enjoyment. Since there is an amazing back catalog available in the used music shops it’s easy to see why people would be attracted to the selection and the low prices. Let’s keep in mind that this is product on the resale market and only a diehard few vinyl fans are buying newly manufactured LPs. New Vinyl averages at $25 -$45 per Lp. So really the resurgence here is in use of turntables rather than new music sales. I’d also like to point out that most of the music from the 80’s and first half of the 90’s featured better recordings of better musicians than we typically find today. Don’t believe me? Take a typical 80’s band, let say Tears for Fears, and listen to the quality of the recording versus a typical band from today, let’s say Fallout Boy. See what I mean? There is a very good reason for this discrepancy in sound quality. In the 80’s and early 90’s music (even indie music) was mostly recorded in studios manned by actual recording engineers. The average album took between 6 weeks and 3 months to produce. You could afford to do this because you would then have a product that had value that you could sell. Today music is recorded (in many cases) just as quickly and cheaply as possible, many times in makeshift home studios by people who aren’t as adept at producing a high quality of sound. So what we have is the following trend:

The end product is worth less and, so knowing this, bands and labels put less effort and money into the recording process.

Remember when you were a kid and it made you so happy that you had a baseball card, or an action figure or anything little Billy across the street didn’t have? A similar thing is at play here. Since much of vinyl available at your average used record shop was never released on CD it’s not all that difficult to find great music that isn’t available on the internet for download. This means you have tunes that little Billy doesn’t, and he’s gonna have to go search for another copy of the LP if he want’s to own it! Current music is available on the internet, so even if little Billy is too lazy to track it down for free he can just pay the $.99 and get the songs from iTunes.

I think this so called resurgence will keep getting press until we finally find a solid way to monetize music. When the bottom line improves for the people who create music, my guess is so will all aspects of the quality of the music itself.


False Idol, - Rise of the Independants!

Well, American Idol has been on for a few years now and it still boggles my mind that people are so excited about this show. It may be a clever amalgamation of reality TV and a game show. Some of the singers may actually be talented people. Having said this I wonder how many of my favorite singers would actually even make it on the show, let alone win the competition! I mean I do listen to some pretty obscure stuff, but I do count some pretty Iconic people amongst my personal favorites.

Can you imagine a young David Bowie on American Idol? There are few people who even come close to being as prolific or respected in the music industry. He has got one of the most distinctive voices in popular music! I can’t picture him or anyone even close to him appearing on “Idol”. So if that’s the case, what’s the point of it? Some of the best singers in music history have voices that just won’t do the acrobatic tricks that most of the contestants on American Idol trill out like well coiffed poodles jumping through hoops!

When I think about popular singers in general even ones I don’t particularly like, few of them are American Idol material. Freddie Mercury of Queen perhaps, if he would have been willing to submit to some creative dentistry and severely tone down the “gay thing”. I mean we all seemed to like him just fine the way he was and to this day I am in awe of his voice, but that’s just not going to fly these days! I get visions of Simon, telling Freddy to lose the bright yellow suit, giving him tips like “be less flamboyant” and so on!

I think this is all an indication of the contrived nature of popular music these days. No wonder the kids aren’t paying for this stuff! Fake tits, fake talent, audio plastic, 100% creativity free! Every other song is a remake. I don’t blame the artists, why put your heart and soul into a piece of music that, if things go well, could be a really annoying ringtone! And shows like American Idol present this type of music as the paragon of popular music. It’s sad but there is an upside. I saw it at the skate park as I cycled by the other day. No less than five kids all wearing Pink Floyd T shirts!

I guess the point is this. Are Shows like “Idol” an indication that something is wrong with people in general. Is the popularity of the show a harbinger of doom for a music industry that is pretty much on life support as it is? Should more of us be seeking out new independent artists who still have the courage to at least attempt to make a living by writing honest songs and presenting them in an honest way? I have thought about this quite a bit, and if there’s a bright future for music on the horizon, it’s the independent artists NOT the mainstream major labels that we need to pay attention to. When I was a kid we worshipped our idols, perhaps the time has come to start ignoring them!